(originally posted here∞)

I appoint Aeirould Poet Laureate of the VR, and Thallium as its Court Jester. Hear hear!

I'm better at limericks, so let me try my hand at those:

I've learned to love my life
At peace, I fear no strife
This portrait I draw
Of beloved Arkansas
Where my cousin is my wife

I do fancy myself a man finer
Than the uncultured dolt, bum, or whiner
I enjoy a cigar
Imported from afar
After pounding away at vagina

There once were fair sailors who'd say
"Cast off, helmsman, anchors away!"
So they left port of call
For how long? wondered all --
Enough that seamen went astray

(aren't puns grand?)

credit for some of the underlying themes must be given to royal & ancient DUMB lore, notably Jeff Messner

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The parade kept the beat through the heat
Though their task on concrete no small feat
For the appointed dress
Was not meant to impress
But allow for the beating of meat

My muse, aside from being distracted by internal rhyme, was apparently warped by those dreams everyone has...you know, the randomly naked ones...crossed with too many band rehearsals.

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In honor of spamming this thread at 4am, I'll note that the prose equivalent of what we're doing here is called "flash," and is currently quite the rage on ASSD.

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alt.sex.stories.discussion -- I've been reading them longer than Ars :eek: Weekly archives∞ (of the A.S.S.Moderated stories, not the discussion -- NSFW).

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Aeirould is a man of great class
With knowledge that few can surpass
But of ASSD
His mine used to be free
Now he can tap that virtual ass

Hrm. Couldn't work the obvious pun on ASS[D]. Someone else give it a shot, I'm tired.

NB: there's an ASSG

NB to all: I've realized the 3rd limerick is ambiguous, especially given the 4th. It's supposed to make fun of "flexible" sexual orientations, not masterbating.

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I can't let this silly thread die
But what will rebirth signify?
I propose that our rhymes
Give the mods some hard times:
I know one gets On with a guy

The other the staff knows as Hannibal
(I do not refer to the cannibal)
As his grand scheme unfurls
The Alps hold too few girls
But he finds pachyderms quite acceptable

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More silly punchline puns, this time on "current events" as it were

There once was a Velvet Room thread∞
Where sryan2k1 said
His gf got hotter
And made him an offer
But things never came to a head

A cutie locked legs with a creep
who asked for a beer on the cheap
He gave her a card
But if access is barred
Then we'll know that this tool∞ won't go deep

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Some typical Arsian activities...

So I'm playing a few hands online
When the poker gods started to shine
With a few crimson cards
I was drawing to hearts
And the nut flush undoubtedly mine

Hmm. Lots of VR words in there, but the innuendo just ain't flowing.

I paypal'd a dude to Fedex
A parcel to my home address
Just a keyboard and mouse
From his closet warehouse
But I did his mom for much less

It appears we've sunk to new lows.

We have a tradition whose breadth
Has Lounge whores wait with bated breath:
The significant post
Where we all raise a toast
To inflicting the DOD.

The solution? Go lower!

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You're lucky this is a tough rhyme, else I could've been much nastier ;)

So this Arsian had sweaty testicles
Which persisted despite frequent physicals
He treated his balls
Like Win9x installs
By habitually flushing their chemicals

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Be careful what you connote, GW...

I sucked on her breasts, oh so plump
While roving hands caressed her rump
My face headed south
And opened its mouth
To take in a steaming hot dump

Also heralding from the "last line ain't what you expect" department...

She hurriedly took off her gown
My pants quickly found themselves down
With our clothes in a bin
It was time to begin
She strapped it on and went to town

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More intra-Ars banter

When a freshman's sharp comment, a hoot,
Made Psion's dick give a salute
He plotted deserts
For her fresh miniskirts
But she wanted to play with her flute

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Ode to our newly generalized "Sexual Perversion Verse" thread

When churning out limericks quickly
I find that the rhymes can be tricky
If you just write haiku
Then you're merely smack-fu
SkyFalcon at least got you sticky

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I desire to give this thread a bump
'Cuz stagnation makes Richard a grump
So like in Family Guy
I must ask and must sigh
Whose leg does a man have to hump?

As evidenced above, meta-discussion is fine -- but if it's in verse, you've got to tie it to sexual perversion. Onward!


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